I want to be honest, the story Iām about to share isnāt one Iām jumping out of my seat to talk about... Iāve had a lot of resistance in doing so, but know this is the moment.
Not just for every woman who might see herself in these words, but because it's time to set this part of me free.
Alcohol was my biggest battle. For over 20 years it convinced me that I needed it to be liked, to be loved, to fit in, to belong, to connect, to be funā¦ to be enough.
But all it did was take me away from everything I wanted to be.
No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many times I told myself, this time would be the last, I could never let go.
Until one day I did.
I was curled up in my bed, three days after my 38th birthday celebration in Nashville. The room had finally stopped spinning, but my heart felt heavier than the hangover that just wouldn't lift.
That weekend was supposed to be different. I'd promised myself - just like I had a hundred times before - that this time I'd have control. This time I wouldn't let that first drink spiral into another blur of a weekend, another series of moments I couldn't quite remember, another plane ride home filled with shame and regret.
But there I was again. Every tool I had, every boundary I'd set, every good intention I'd held - they all vanished the second I took that first sip.
What I didn't know then was that this weekend would become the beginning of my freedom story.
I've spent the last few days going through years of my journals, taking myself back to when I realized alcohol was no longer fun and was wrecking havoc on my heart and life.
Over the next four weeks, I'm sharing my story of how I transformed my biggest limit into my brightest light.
Was it easy? Absolutely not. Was it worth it? With every ounce of my soul. Yes.
Nearly three years into my alcohol-free journey, and it's become my proudest achievement.
But the real magic?
It lives in the beginning - four months after losing my mom, when I hit rock bottom and decided I wanted a better life. Here's what I wrote on 8.22.16
āI have to finally give myself the chance to be my real selfā¦I tend to self sabotage a lot & am having a hard time getting away from alcohol. I know this one substance is what has kept me from the life Iām meant to live. If I know this and know I donāt want it to ruin things anymore, how come I keep allowing it? I commit to working hard in finding out who I am supposed to be & who I truly am.ā
6 years of knowing. Six years of that same question echoing in my heart. Six years of trying to be betterā¦ 6 years of trying to convince myself I could handle it, control it, manage it.
Looking in the mirror that day after Nashville, I saw two versions of myself: the woman I'd become, and the woman I knew I could be. The space between them? That was the start of freedom taking hold.
This is a picture I took 9 days after my last drink, when I knew in my heart I was never going back.
ā¦you can still see the puffiness in my face and sadness in my eyes, but inside? My soul was doing cartwheels.
IIn this week's episode, I'm sharing the first pillar of what is now called the GLOW Freedom Methodā¢. Because before we can transform anything, we have to become aware of what's really keeping us stuck..
You see, we all have that ONE thing. That pattern, that habit, that relationship, that story we keep telling ourselves. The thing we know deep down is holding us back from everything we're meant to be.
Alcohol was my hidden brake pedal - the thing keeping me from truly soaring. It started as my social companion but became my personal, professional and spiritual ceiling - dimming the light I knew I was meant to shine.
Watch Episode 1: Breaking Free From Alcohol: The Story I've Never Shared
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If you're feeling that pull, that knowing that something needs to change - even if you're not "100% ready" - this episode is for you.
Because awareness isn't about being ready to change. It's about being honest about where you are. And wherever you are is perfect.
With love,
Xo, Jessica
P.S. What's your heart trying to tell you? What's asking to be seen? Your awareness matters, and I'd love to hear it if you feel called to share. š«
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